Wild, Free, and 4 Years Old | A Letter To My Birthday Boy

On Sunday, Tucker turned four. I wrote him a letter just as I’ve done every year since his birth. Maybe this blog will be a time capsule of sorts when my boys are older. Or maybe my letter will make you smile as you thinking about your own little one. Regardless, I hope my letter will bring Tucker joy. Enjoy.

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Hello Professor Poop Poop. The 3 year old you thought anything poop or fart related was hilarious. LOL. How can it be that four years ago you entered this world? Four years ago I became a Mother? Four years ago, God planned for your April Fool’s Day arrival. He knew no other day would be more fitting for my little comedian.

You are always trying to make me, Daddy, and Tate laugh. You love to tell silly jokes, make funny faces in the mirror, and bust out goofy dance moves. You’ve got some wicked break dancing skills for an untrained dancer. You love to sing and rhyme and play. Every day you seek adventure. You are a fearless leader and make friends with everyone. You are so incredibly smart. You try so hard to read and are eager to learn. Always asking questions and taking in the world.

You are strong willed, but also kind. Every morning when you wake up you climb up into my arms, give me a big hug and a kiss, and say, “It’s morning time Mommy”. You giggle as you kiss your brothers face and snuggle up on Daddy’s chest. When I ask you what you dreamed about, you always say, “You”.

You sure know how to melt a girls heart. You get that from your Daddy. You hold my door wherever we go and say, “Ladies first”. Then, you smile proudly as I walk by. You love to pick me flowers on our walks, hold my hand, and snuggle. On my most exhausting, frustrating or even just mundane days you catch me off guard when you smile sweetly and say, “Mommy you are beautiful”. My eyes swell with joy at your sweetness.

You, my little wild child, are a beautiful gift. I am so very much in love with you, little man. You make Daddy and I so proud. I can’t wait to see what joy and laughter this year brings. Don’t lose your silly side, my love. Hold on to your sweetness too. The world needs more beautiful souls like yours. So shine bright, baby doll, and spread that light wherever you go.

I love you to the stars and back.
Mommy

The world needs more beautiful souls like yours.

One Year Of Loving You: Letter to my baby on his 1st birthday

Today my baby turns one. I wrote him a letter, so we both could remember what a special time this first year of his life has been.

Tate,
You are asleep on my chest. I run my fingers through your curls and listen to you breath. Your tiny hand holds me tight. I am in awe of you. My heart swells with love for you. That mischievous smile. Those curious eyes. Your laugh. I wish I could bottle up the joy I feel when I hear that playful giggle. My heart needed you. Our family needed you. This world needed you.

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One year ago, I couldn’t begin to imagine what life would be like as a family of four. I didn’t know how hard it would be adjusting to our growing family and my ever expanding heart. I couldn’t comprehend loving another child as much as I loved your big brother, Tucker. I was afraid how he would react to you. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to give you both all of me. I was afraid of the unknown. But despite my fears, I knew in my heart you were someone special. I could feel your light radiating from within me. I could sense your sweetness. I could feel a calm within, even in the chaos of my ever wondering mind. We prayed for you. Waited for you. Dreamed about you.

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You entered this world with such ease. I was shocked at how quickly you were born. You were ready. You are always ready. Fearless, full of life and wonder. You shine with a holy glow. I can feel God’s favor on you. The moment I laid eyes on you a new chamber of my heart burst open with love.

I am in awe of you. Your curiosity for the world around you. Your excitement to learn and grow – and mainly catchup with your brother. The gentleness of your heart, and the fearless drive you carry. You, my beautiful boy, are everything and more than what I could have ever dreamed.

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I blinked and a year flew by. Your first smile, laugh, crawl, steps, and words, all feel so new and exciting but also so far away. But if I close my eyes, I can hear that first cry. I can see the sparkle in your blue eyes from when our eyes locked for the first time. My heart remembers the exact moment and feeling when it opened up completely to you. In my mind, I can stop time and visit every milestone. I can feel the pride and excitement in watching you grow and the subtle sadness of seeing my baby begin to transform into a little boy. I wish sometimes I could make time stand still so I could love on you without distraction. Soak you up completely.

So tonight, I won’t close my eyes just yet. I will try my best to hold onto this moment with my baby in my arms. I will listen to you breath, feel the weight of your body on my chest, hold on to your tiny hand, and pray you never let me go. I will lay here and do my best to soak you up. I will give you all my love and thank God for not stopping time and for letting me watch you grow. I will let my heart go back to those special moments you have given me, but I will pray for the ones that are yet to come.

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Happy Birthday Baby boy. Mama loves you oh so very much.

 

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Dear Boys, Mommy has no idea what she’s doing

Hello My Sweet Boys,

I want to let you in on a secret. I have no idea what I’m doing. Loving you comes without effort. It is just like breathing. No one had to show me how to breath, because it was something I was made to do. Just like loving you, I was made to love you. The raising you part, that’s a little tricky sometimes.
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You may find it hard to believe, but I’m still a work in progress. I’m finding me, while helping shape you. I don’t always know what to say. I don’t always know what to do. I sure as heck have no clue how to get you — TUCKER! PHOENIX! WYRICK! — to eat anything besides cheeseburgers, french fries and ranch. I’m trying though.

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Everyday, I’m trying my best to show you a world filled with love.

I do my best to keep magic and wonder alive. I do my best teach you about kindness and respect. I do my best to play. I try to let go of my grown-up responsibilities and enjoy these special moments with you without distraction.

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You are both growing bigger everyday. This exhausting, confusing, frustrating, overwhelmingly wonderful time is fast fading. You won’t always need my kisses to make you feel better. My cuddles won’t be the only way you can fall asleep. You won’t always reach for my hand, ask for my help, or just want to be with me and only me. You will grow strong, confident and independent.

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Each day I do my best to help you grow into the incredible young men I know you were meant to be. I want you to know I may not always get things right. I will make mistakes, lose my temper, get overwhelmed, and exhausted. I won’t always know what to do, but I will always know how to love you. I just breath you in.

Loving you forever,
Mommy

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COME ON, KID! THIS IS YOUR DREAM!

I am hours away from my 33rd birthday. The “little kid” version of me would be shocked we’ve become so old. By now, I should be living in my life-sized Barbie dream mansion and cruising in a ’66 mustang convertible.

I should be known around the world for my successes as a supermodel/actress/singer and married to JTT. At least that’s what MASH predicted and who am I to argue with fate?

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I’m not mad that I don’t have a mansion. I still dream of a cherry red convertible ’66 mustang with white leather interior. I’ve found successes in pageantry, some small acting roles and modeled for some campaigns and magazines in my 20s. I even recorded some music and even lived in Nashville for a hot second.

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I out grew JTT. Literally. Jennifer Blight got all my posters and Teen Bop magazines in fifth grade when I realized I was taller then my childhood crush.

My dreams have changed a lot over the years. I have changed a lot. My priorities have shifted to my best friend and our two little boys.

Life and all its responsibilities sometime distract us from the dreams we hide inside our heart. Tiny roadmaps to adventures untold and dreams waiting to be awoken.

I used to think I was racing against time to find myself. I needed to be a star by my 20s or I’d never get another chance. Marriage was career suicide and having babies would mean my dreams would need to be sacrificed to help give them a chance at finding their own. I’m realizing now that I will never find myself completely or accomplish every dream.

How boring would life be if we sat and settled, rather than running in the race of life?

I am constantly evolving and so are my dreams. I hope to spend my life chasing the ever-changing desires in my heart and discovering who I will become. We are never too old or young to dream.

This year I wanted to give 32 year old me a shot at a dream I’d kept hidden. I wanted to prove to myself I was still fearless. I wanted to get out of my comfy jeans and curl my hair and feel brave and beautiful. I wanted to stop being selfless and be selfish. Because being selfish isn’t a bad thing. As a mom, we often put everyone’s needs above our own. We forget about ourselves when worrying about everyone else. For one night, I wanted to get back on stage, but in a world that thrilled and terrified me. I wanted to stand before an audience of stranger and see if I could make them laugh. I wanted to try standup.

My incredible friend Claire, her talented and encouraging husband Michael, and my wonderful husband all did for me what I try to do everyday for my children. They gave me a shot at my dream.

Don’t ever stop dreaming. Don’t stop chasing what scares you. Don’t disappoint the little kid inside of you. Chase after your future self. Be selfish every now and again. Don’t let another year slip by without glancing at that tiny roadmap in your heart, because you never know where it will lead you.

Xoxo,
Tami