I am my worst enemy


I don’t know about you, but when the dishes and the laundry pile up and the dogs won’t stop barking and my kids won’
t stop fighting; there is a voice that taunts me in in the chaos. It’s my own.

I’m the worst

I’m a failure

“I’m a terrible Mom

These are just a few of the lies I tell myself. I beat myself up when I’m tired or frustrated. I kick myself when I’m down, and I go for the jugular, clinging to my biggest insecurities. Only recently have I started to take notice to the daily abuse I inflict on myself.


I speak affirmations over my children. When they get mad, lose their temper, or act out, I make them say, “I am kind. I am brave. I am strong. I can do hard things.”

I remind them of their greatness when they feel weak, scared, or overwhelmed. I will say to my four year old, “You are so smart” and instead of shooting my compliment down he will say, “I know Mommy.”


He owns it. Embraces it even. Yet, if my husband calls me beautiful, I roll my eyes or point out my dirty hair, tired eyes, and worn out sweats.

If I create a fun activity for my kids and another Mom sends me a sweet message, I immediately feel the need to respond with what a mess I am and that I don’t have this whole raising kids thing figured out.


I’m not writing this searching for complements or affirmations. I’m writing this because I know I’m not the only villain in my own story. I see my beautiful friends. I watch them juggle impossible schedules, family, and work. I see their greatness, and I hear them speak of what they perceive as failures. They see their messy house, rambunctious children, dirty clothes, and laundry list of things they never get time to accomplish. But I see powerful women. I see them as the glue that holds their families together. I see loving supportive wives and mothers. I see hard-working boss babes.

Today, talk to yourself the way you would a toddler. If you lose your temper, remember the root of you is good and kind. If you are afraid of the “what if’s”, remember YOU ARE BRAVE. If you are exhausted and the day feels like it will never end, tell yourself YOU ARE STRONG. If you feel overwhelmed, know YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS.


Love yourself the way you love your child. Be gentle with your heart. You too are learning and growing.


You are kind.

You are brave.

You are strong.

You can do hard things.

Wild, Free, and 4 Years Old | A Letter To My Birthday Boy

On Sunday, Tucker turned four. I wrote him a letter just as I’ve done every year since his birth. Maybe this blog will be a time capsule of sorts when my boys are older. Or maybe my letter will make you smile as you thinking about your own little one. Regardless, I hope my letter will bring Tucker joy. Enjoy.

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Hello Professor Poop Poop. The 3 year old you thought anything poop or fart related was hilarious. LOL. How can it be that four years ago you entered this world? Four years ago I became a Mother? Four years ago, God planned for your April Fool’s Day arrival. He knew no other day would be more fitting for my little comedian.

You are always trying to make me, Daddy, and Tate laugh. You love to tell silly jokes, make funny faces in the mirror, and bust out goofy dance moves. You’ve got some wicked break dancing skills for an untrained dancer. You love to sing and rhyme and play. Every day you seek adventure. You are a fearless leader and make friends with everyone. You are so incredibly smart. You try so hard to read and are eager to learn. Always asking questions and taking in the world.

You are strong willed, but also kind. Every morning when you wake up you climb up into my arms, give me a big hug and a kiss, and say, “It’s morning time Mommy”. You giggle as you kiss your brothers face and snuggle up on Daddy’s chest. When I ask you what you dreamed about, you always say, “You”.

You sure know how to melt a girls heart. You get that from your Daddy. You hold my door wherever we go and say, “Ladies first”. Then, you smile proudly as I walk by. You love to pick me flowers on our walks, hold my hand, and snuggle. On my most exhausting, frustrating or even just mundane days you catch me off guard when you smile sweetly and say, “Mommy you are beautiful”. My eyes swell with joy at your sweetness.

You, my little wild child, are a beautiful gift. I am so very much in love with you, little man. You make Daddy and I so proud. I can’t wait to see what joy and laughter this year brings. Don’t lose your silly side, my love. Hold on to your sweetness too. The world needs more beautiful souls like yours. So shine bright, baby doll, and spread that light wherever you go.

I love you to the stars and back.
Mommy

The world needs more beautiful souls like yours.

My Girl Tribe

I am in a house full of boys. All three handsome, kind, and funny. While I can appreciate a good fart joke from my three year old, wrestling with my 10 month old and laughing at the chaos with my husband; even in a house full of love, I still get lonely. I dive in each day committed to my family. Sacrificing my time for them. Sometimes I lose myself while helping them discover who they are. It is in these moments when I’m distracted, tired,  and overwhelmed that a simple unexpected text can change my day.

I am surrounded by incredible women. Strong, beautiful, driven, loving, selfless women. Women who chase their dreams and sometimes their children. They are my prayer warriors, cheerleaders, and therapist.

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They are who I text when the weight of the world feels to heavy to carry alone. They are a listening ear, a much needed hug, and well deserved glass of wine. They make me laugh like a kid and have comforted me when I’ve cried. Selflessly, they have watched my children, brought me food, even sent cleaners to my house just to give me a break. Nia, I still to this day am so touched by your thoughtfulness and genuine, loving heart.


Before diapers, husbands, and careers, we were girls with similar dreams. Following our hearts we each sought and earned a crown. Literally. Pageantry brought us together. What a strange way to find lifelong friends. To strangers you are Miss USA, Miss California, Miss Wyoming, Miss Montana, Miss Arizona. You are the actress people love and adore, the blogger with adventure and style, the boss babe business woman, and the loving Mommy. To so many people you are so many different things, but to me you are a friend. You are a part of my tribe.

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I am so thankful for the incredible women God has so thoughtfully woven into my life.

They encourage me, challenge me and love me.

My prayer for you is that you find your tribe. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and inspire you. When you forget who you are, let them remind you. Let them catch the pieces of your world when it feels like it’s falling apart. Find them and love them. Be the friend to them that you long for. Who is your tribe?

Let me know in the comments below!

Hey Mama’s, This Ones For You

Dear Mamas,

I just want you to know I am thankful for you. For the silent sympathy as you pass me and my screaming toddler. For the smile you gave my baby while lost in a memory of your own, who is now grown. Thank you for the text, the calls, and play dates. Thank you for helping me at the airport, grocery store, or playground, because you once juggled the chaos of young children and adventure. Thank you for raising children to be good and fun.

“Thank you for not taking yourself too seriously and reminding me to do the same.”

Thank you for putting your family first and doing your best, even when you don’t feel like it. Thank you for drinking wine and coffee and making me feel normal for needing them. Thank you for understanding every challenge, triumph, laugh and tear that comes with the title of being a Mom.

I just wanted to thank you for being you. You are amazing. You are beautiful. Yes, even with dirty hair and no makeup. You girlfriend, are a one-of-a-kind masterpiece chosen to take on a role in your child’s life that no other person was created to do.

“God chose you. He knew you were up for the challenge”

He knew how strong you are. He knew you could carry an overflow of love for your children and survive with your heart outside of your chest. He knew the sacrifices you’d make. The nights you’d lay restless and the days consumed by exhaustion. He knew the lessons you’d teach and the ones you’d learn.

“The day we became Mothers, we joined a secret sisterhood. A special bond that only Mamas understand”

I’m grateful for you. I may not know you, but I appreciate you. For Thanksgiving, I wanted to say thank you for all you do. I partnered with some amazing shops to celebrate one lucky lady. Checkout my Instagram post @tami_farrell  for rules and entry. Winner will be announced on Thanksgiving.
x,

Tami


Special Thank You To Our Instagram Giveaway Host

@wellsaidcreations

@thehopecandles

@elorainspired

@theletteringlatina

@spottedwboutique

@cutiepatootieart

COME ON, KID! THIS IS YOUR DREAM!

I am hours away from my 33rd birthday. The “little kid” version of me would be shocked we’ve become so old. By now, I should be living in my life-sized Barbie dream mansion and cruising in a ’66 mustang convertible.

I should be known around the world for my successes as a supermodel/actress/singer and married to JTT. At least that’s what MASH predicted and who am I to argue with fate?

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I’m not mad that I don’t have a mansion. I still dream of a cherry red convertible ’66 mustang with white leather interior. I’ve found successes in pageantry, some small acting roles and modeled for some campaigns and magazines in my 20s. I even recorded some music and even lived in Nashville for a hot second.

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I out grew JTT. Literally. Jennifer Blight got all my posters and Teen Bop magazines in fifth grade when I realized I was taller then my childhood crush.

My dreams have changed a lot over the years. I have changed a lot. My priorities have shifted to my best friend and our two little boys.

Life and all its responsibilities sometime distract us from the dreams we hide inside our heart. Tiny roadmaps to adventures untold and dreams waiting to be awoken.

I used to think I was racing against time to find myself. I needed to be a star by my 20s or I’d never get another chance. Marriage was career suicide and having babies would mean my dreams would need to be sacrificed to help give them a chance at finding their own. I’m realizing now that I will never find myself completely or accomplish every dream.

How boring would life be if we sat and settled, rather than running in the race of life?

I am constantly evolving and so are my dreams. I hope to spend my life chasing the ever-changing desires in my heart and discovering who I will become. We are never too old or young to dream.

This year I wanted to give 32 year old me a shot at a dream I’d kept hidden. I wanted to prove to myself I was still fearless. I wanted to get out of my comfy jeans and curl my hair and feel brave and beautiful. I wanted to stop being selfless and be selfish. Because being selfish isn’t a bad thing. As a mom, we often put everyone’s needs above our own. We forget about ourselves when worrying about everyone else. For one night, I wanted to get back on stage, but in a world that thrilled and terrified me. I wanted to stand before an audience of stranger and see if I could make them laugh. I wanted to try standup.

My incredible friend Claire, her talented and encouraging husband Michael, and my wonderful husband all did for me what I try to do everyday for my children. They gave me a shot at my dream.

Don’t ever stop dreaming. Don’t stop chasing what scares you. Don’t disappoint the little kid inside of you. Chase after your future self. Be selfish every now and again. Don’t let another year slip by without glancing at that tiny roadmap in your heart, because you never know where it will lead you.

Xoxo,
Tami

7 years and counting…

“That’s him. He’s the one I’ve been waiting for.”

This morning you woke me with a kiss, the same way you have for the past seven years. You said, “Happy Anniversary”, and I smiled and looked at you with sleepy eyes and asked if our life was what you imagined it would be. We both laughed.

The day I met you my heart recognized you. It whispered to me, “That’s him. He’s the one I’ve been waiting for”. We were just a couple of kids with big dreams and an unapologetic love. We grew up together…I mean, we are still growing up together.

When we promised to stand side by side together in life, we knew it wouldn’t always be easy or fun. We couldn’t have imagined the tears life would bring, or dreamed of the love and laughter we’d share.

My heart didn’t think I could love you more, yet everyday you find new ways to show me it can.  I get lost sometimes in being a Mommy. The hand you use to reach for is now being held by five chubby little fingers. The Kisses I freely gave to you often now are used to heal boo boos on our active toddler or cover the face of our smiling baby. I’ve traded sexy lingerie for oversized tshirts and your old sweats. Our bed is now full of puppies and babies. Our days are spent in different worlds. Mine is filled with diapers, dancing, and make believe, while yours is hard at work toward your dreams and our future.  Instead of spontaneous weekend getaways or romantic dinners, I’m thrilled just to snuggle up beside you on our couch and watch an uninterrupted episode of Master Chef.

When I stood in front of our family and friends seven years ago today and promised my love to you for a lifetime, I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought I knew what love was. You’ve showed me that love is ever changing. Our hearts continuously growing. Love is more than flowers, date nights and romance. Love is choosing everyday to put someone else’s needs above our own. Love is seeing the best in someone even when they are at their worst. Love is waking up everyday next to your best friend. It is seeing the person you fell in love with in the faces of our children. It is crying so hard you can’t breath and trusting your partner to catch your tears. Love is laughing with every part of your body. It is silly songs and inside jokes. Love is feeling home when wrapped in your arms.

This morning I asked you if our life is what you imagined it would be. I laughed because it is beyond anything I could have dreamed. Happy Anniversary. I love you.

T

Dreaming Without Sleep

On any given night, you can find me restless and twisted in a pretzel shape, clinging to the edge of my California King bed, and buried under a pile of cuteness. On my feet lies…

On any given night, you can find me restless and twisted in a pretzel shape, clinging to the edge of my California King bed, and buried under a pile of cuteness. On my feet lies our toe biting chihuahua, Buttercup. Stretched horizontally across the bed with his head rested on my hip, leg, or arm, is my sleep talking – sometimes walking – toddler. Snuggled close to my chest with his arms and legs wrapped around me tight is my night nursing infant with his two new razor sharp teeth.  

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In the distance, I hear a familiar sound. It is the gentle sound of someone breathing. The sound of rest. Sleep. Somewhere on the far side of the bed, my husband sleeps peacefully with his legs stretched comfortably and his mind turned off of the night. His arms are wrapped around a pillow, where not long ago I once laid. 

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I look across our bed full of babies, and I smile at my sleeping man. One day soon, I will again be wrapped in his arms asleep. My toddler will soon be a boy who will want to sleep in his own room and my infant will grow to big for my arms and instead sleep comfortably in his own bed. My 12 year old chihuahua will one day not be there to bite my toes when I stretch my legs. My California King bed will one day not feel so small.

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As I lay here twisted on my side, covered in sleeping cuties within an arms reach away from the love of my life, I will say a simple prayer of thanks for a life I never dreamed and don’t know how I deserved. I will cherish my crowded bed and my overflowing heart. I will be grateful for the restless night knowing I get to soak up the quiet moments of my babies growing while they sleep. Tonight, I may be restless but that’s ok when real life is better than my dreams. 

xoxo,
Tami

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