I am hours away from my 33rd birthday. The “little kid” version of me would be shocked we’ve become so old. By now, I should be living in my life-sized Barbie dream mansion and cruising in a ’66 mustang convertible.
I should be known around the world for my successes as a supermodel/actress/singer and married to JTT. At least that’s what MASH predicted and who am I to argue with fate?
I’m not mad that I don’t have a mansion. I still dream of a cherry red convertible ’66 mustang with white leather interior. I’ve found successes in pageantry, some small acting roles and modeled for some campaigns and magazines in my 20s. I even recorded some music and even lived in Nashville for a hot second.
I out grew JTT. Literally. Jennifer Blight got all my posters and Teen Bop magazines in fifth grade when I realized I was taller then my childhood crush.
My dreams have changed a lot over the years. I have changed a lot. My priorities have shifted to my best friend and our two little boys.
Life and all its responsibilities sometime distract us from the dreams we hide inside our heart. Tiny roadmaps to adventures untold and dreams waiting to be awoken.
I used to think I was racing against time to find myself. I needed to be a star by my 20s or I’d never get another chance. Marriage was career suicide and having babies would mean my dreams would need to be sacrificed to help give them a chance at finding their own. I’m realizing now that I will never find myself completely or accomplish every dream.
How boring would life be if we sat and settled, rather than running in the race of life?
I am constantly evolving and so are my dreams. I hope to spend my life chasing the ever-changing desires in my heart and discovering who I will become. We are never too old or young to dream.
This year I wanted to give 32 year old me a shot at a dream I’d kept hidden. I wanted to prove to myself I was still fearless. I wanted to get out of my comfy jeans and curl my hair and feel brave and beautiful. I wanted to stop being selfless and be selfish. Because being selfish isn’t a bad thing. As a mom, we often put everyone’s needs above our own. We forget about ourselves when worrying about everyone else. For one night, I wanted to get back on stage, but in a world that thrilled and terrified me. I wanted to stand before an audience of stranger and see if I could make them laugh. I wanted to try standup.
My incredible friend Claire, her talented and encouraging husband Michael, and my wonderful husband all did for me what I try to do everyday for my children. They gave me a shot at my dream.
Don’t ever stop dreaming. Don’t stop chasing what scares you. Don’t disappoint the little kid inside of you. Chase after your future self. Be selfish every now and again. Don’t let another year slip by without glancing at that tiny roadmap in your heart, because you never know where it will lead you.