Dreaming Without Sleep

On any given night, you can find me restless and twisted in a pretzel shape, clinging to the edge of my California King bed, and buried under a pile of cuteness. On my feet lies our toe biting chihuahua, Buttercup. Stretched horizontally across the bed with his head rested on my hip, leg, or arm, is my sleep talking – sometimes walking – toddler. Snuggled close to my chest with his arms and legs wrapped around me tight is my night nursing infant with his two new razor sharp teeth.  


In the distance, I hear a familiar sound. It is the gentle sound of someone breathing. The sound of rest. Sleep. Somewhere on the far side of the bed, my husband sleeps peacefully with his legs stretched comfortably and his mind turned off of the night. His arms are wrapped around a pillow, where not long ago I once laid. 


I look across our bed full of babies, and I smile at my sleeping man. One day soon, I will again be wrapped in his arms asleep. My toddler will soon be a boy who will want to sleep in his own room and my infant will grow to big for my arms and instead sleep comfortably in his own bed. My 12 year old chihuahua will one day not be there to bite my toes when I stretch my legs. My California King bed will one day not feel so small.


As I lay here twisted on my side, covered in sleeping cuties within an arms reach away from the love of my life, I will say a simple prayer of thanks for a life I never dreamed and don’t know how I deserved. I will cherish my crowded bed and my overflowing heart. I will be grateful for the restless night knowing I get to soak up the quiet moments of my babies growing while they sleep. Tonight, I may be restless but that’s ok when real life is better than my dreams. 



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