“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
“A scuba diver” you proudly proclaim.
The fact that you don’t know how to swim hasn’t crossed your mind. The details to any destination never deter you. You don’t care how we get to our adventures, you are only concerned with how soon we can get started. Always waiting with bright eyes and anticipation for what new fun is waiting up ahead.
You are a dreamer. Together we get lost in pirate ship explorations across the living room. We escape Charlie Monster chasing us, hide in blanket made forts, and always find an excuse to bake cookies or dance. We tell stories together every night and at three years old you still like to fall asleep in my arms.
You are my baby. Always. You are the boy who made me a Mommy. As you grew bigger, I grew stronger with a newfound strength and love. I teach you new things everyday, but you too are a teacher to me. You’ve taught me to seek fun in the mundane. To be patient. And just when I think I’ve mastered patience, you yet again test me. You’ve awakened the child in me with your playfulness. Your innocence reminds me to see the good in everyone and everything.
For almost three years my days have been consumed by you. Together we conquered countless playground, museums and Starbucks. It was you and me kid. Everyday. Then God gave us a new partner in crime. A mini version of you and your Daddy. You fought for my attention at first, but now it seems I sometimes am fighting for yours.
In the mornings, instead of kissing me first you sneak over to your brother for cuddles. You smile proudly each time you make him giggle. After you eat breakfast you go to your toys now instead of to me. At the playground you no longer need me to entertain you. You make friends with everyone you meet. These moments remind me of words from strangers when I used to carry you as a baby on my hip. “Cherish these moments because you will blink one day, and your baby will be grown”.
I’m proud to have given you confidence to fearlessly take on the world. I giggle with pride each time I hear you lost in play, knowing I helped awaken your imagination. Every time you help your brother, Daddy, friend or even a stranger, I know that it is the kindness I’ve shown you that hopefully you will continue to show others.
Tomorrow you start preschool. My throat grows a knot just thinking about it. As I write this I take a slow breath to slow down my mind. You are ready. You are excited. I, on the other hand, will take a little longer to adjust.
Tonight I’ll hold you closer. I’ll breath in your toddler smell, soak up ever snuggle and kiss, and I’ll watch you drift into your dreams. In the darkness, I’ll still see my baby who somehow overnight has grown into a little boy. I’ll wipe a couple tears from my cheek and silence my wandering mind. I will lay with you in the darkness as if I can somehow slowdown the morning light.
Tomorrow, you will take your first steps in the world without me. You will learn, play, laugh, get frustrated, happy and do a million fun new things. I will learn to live with my heart outside of me. The time will feel too short for you, but the seconds will drag on like hours for me. Over yogurt, I’ll ask you about your day and soak up the moments that I missed.
Tomorrow you start preschool, and even though you don’t yet know how to swim, I know that won’t stop you from diving right in.
I love you,
@gapkids Tucker’s Outfit